Small Time Crooks
Now, let's see, where was I? The last thing I remember was a forty foot tall projected image of a face that looked a lot like what John Travolta might look like if he was run over by Bob Marley's ghost on an acid trip tour bus. Honestly, I've been asleep ever since. It took Woody Allen to bring me out of the stupor, and before any of you even dares to conjure up some perverted "Sleeping Beauty" scenario, I'll get on with the business at hand:
"Small Time Crooks", with Woody Allen, Tracey Ullman, Michael Rapaport, Tony Darrow, Jon Lovitz, Elaine May and Hugh Grant. Written and directed by Woody Allen, MPAA rating PG for language. Run time 96 minutes.
This is a Woody Allen moovie. Period. If you're not a Woody Allen fan, if you're not convulsed into fits of laughter by the mental image of a man playing cello in a marching band or a woozy Allen stumbling out of the futuristic home appliance "Orgasmatron", "Small Time Crooks" may not be for you. Personally, I wouldn't trade a single Woody Allen moovie for all the sophomoric, mean-spirited and just plain smutty frat-house moovies that pass for humor these days. (See, I don't even have to say his name any more!!) Regardless of whether or not you like Woody Allen as a human, I admire his ability to poke fun at human foibles, and that he never misses the opportunity to throw himself under the oncoming chuckle truck as well.
"Small Time Crooks" is about, well, small time crooks, but small time crooks that hit it big, just not in the crook business. Ray, (Allen) lives with Frenchy Winkler (Ullman) a put-upon ex-dancer (!) that wants a better life. Against her better judgment, she goes along with ex-con boyfriend Ray's plan to tunnel into a local bank, and helps by running a cover operation in the building two doors down - a cookie store. While Ray and his buddies (Lovitz, Rapaport and Darrow) create Richter-scale intensity havoc in the store's basement, Frenchy sells cookies - lots of cookies. So many, in fact, that she becomes not only comfortable, but stinking rich, thank you very much. This is a good thing, because the would-be bank robbers fail miserably.
Frenchy sees this as an opportunity to make a name for herself in society circles, so she begins, with the help of a stiff upper lip art dealer David (Grant) to educate herself in the ways of the fabulously well-to-do. Of course, she doesn't do this very well and becomes a laughing stock in spite of her piles of filthy lucre and David's upper-crust connections.
We get to ride along as Frenchy builds her gaudy cookie empire - I was immediately struck by the similarity to today's volatile "dot com" success stories built on things much less substantial than so much cookie dough. Frenchy is a tycoon, a media sensation, but underneath it all she is still a slightly vulgar - if well meaning, gum-popping, leopard-skinned dancer with a heart of gold.
Ray, of course, is living in the lap of velvet-Elvis luxury, but eventually tires of the role of kept man. He decides to try for one more big score - a jeweled necklace owned by one of Frenchy's society friends. Aided - sort of - by Frenchy's cousin (Or was it her sister? I still have the blackout episodes, you know.) May (Elaine May) Ray goes about the business of cracking the matron's safe and swapping the necklace with a duplicate he had made in Chinatown. You get the idea.
Of course, this robbery also fails, Frenchy's business goes into the tank, and all they're left with is each other. The end.
"Small Time Crooks" is classic Woody Allen. This, of course is both good and bad. Good, because no one has the patience that Woody Allen has - to let his actors find themselves in a role, to let a joke founder and flop around when it dies. Good, because Woody Allen still has a gift for irony and the talent to make it truly funny. Bad, because it's starting to feel as though Woody is that uncle that always shows up at family functions - the one that smokes green cigars and tells the same jokes over and over, but no one says anything because it's Uncle Irving, after all, and he's not as young as he used to be. I hope Uncle Irving - er, Woody Allen realizes that it's better that they cry at your funeral rather breathe a sigh of relief that you're gone. He writes for himself, I know, but it may be time to bring in a young apprentice.
What has always made Woody Allen moovies the smooth productions they are is Allen's ability to cast them. Tracey Ullman absolutely waltzed away with this one, with Elaine May close on her heels. Elaine May is so artfully ditzy, so pathologically inert, that she was stealing scenes from Allen without saying a single word- no mean feat, I think.
Woody Allen is still Woody Allen - equal parts Groucho Marx and Bugs Bunny with a dash of Molly Goldberg. "Small Time Crooks" is exactly what you'd expect, and I laughed out loud. Allen doesn't waste any time on excessive character development - he just gets on with the jokes. Uncle Irving is still funny.
"Small Time Crooks" gets three cows, but they're not paying retail.
"Small Time Crooks", with Woody Allen, Tracey Ullman, Michael Rapaport, Tony Darrow, Jon Lovitz, Elaine May and Hugh Grant. Written and directed by Woody Allen, MPAA rating PG for language. Run time 96 minutes.
This is a Woody Allen moovie. Period. If you're not a Woody Allen fan, if you're not convulsed into fits of laughter by the mental image of a man playing cello in a marching band or a woozy Allen stumbling out of the futuristic home appliance "Orgasmatron", "Small Time Crooks" may not be for you. Personally, I wouldn't trade a single Woody Allen moovie for all the sophomoric, mean-spirited and just plain smutty frat-house moovies that pass for humor these days. (See, I don't even have to say his name any more!!) Regardless of whether or not you like Woody Allen as a human, I admire his ability to poke fun at human foibles, and that he never misses the opportunity to throw himself under the oncoming chuckle truck as well.
"Small Time Crooks" is about, well, small time crooks, but small time crooks that hit it big, just not in the crook business. Ray, (Allen) lives with Frenchy Winkler (Ullman) a put-upon ex-dancer (!) that wants a better life. Against her better judgment, she goes along with ex-con boyfriend Ray's plan to tunnel into a local bank, and helps by running a cover operation in the building two doors down - a cookie store. While Ray and his buddies (Lovitz, Rapaport and Darrow) create Richter-scale intensity havoc in the store's basement, Frenchy sells cookies - lots of cookies. So many, in fact, that she becomes not only comfortable, but stinking rich, thank you very much. This is a good thing, because the would-be bank robbers fail miserably.
Frenchy sees this as an opportunity to make a name for herself in society circles, so she begins, with the help of a stiff upper lip art dealer David (Grant) to educate herself in the ways of the fabulously well-to-do. Of course, she doesn't do this very well and becomes a laughing stock in spite of her piles of filthy lucre and David's upper-crust connections.
We get to ride along as Frenchy builds her gaudy cookie empire - I was immediately struck by the similarity to today's volatile "dot com" success stories built on things much less substantial than so much cookie dough. Frenchy is a tycoon, a media sensation, but underneath it all she is still a slightly vulgar - if well meaning, gum-popping, leopard-skinned dancer with a heart of gold.
Ray, of course, is living in the lap of velvet-Elvis luxury, but eventually tires of the role of kept man. He decides to try for one more big score - a jeweled necklace owned by one of Frenchy's society friends. Aided - sort of - by Frenchy's cousin (Or was it her sister? I still have the blackout episodes, you know.) May (Elaine May) Ray goes about the business of cracking the matron's safe and swapping the necklace with a duplicate he had made in Chinatown. You get the idea.
Of course, this robbery also fails, Frenchy's business goes into the tank, and all they're left with is each other. The end.
"Small Time Crooks" is classic Woody Allen. This, of course is both good and bad. Good, because no one has the patience that Woody Allen has - to let his actors find themselves in a role, to let a joke founder and flop around when it dies. Good, because Woody Allen still has a gift for irony and the talent to make it truly funny. Bad, because it's starting to feel as though Woody is that uncle that always shows up at family functions - the one that smokes green cigars and tells the same jokes over and over, but no one says anything because it's Uncle Irving, after all, and he's not as young as he used to be. I hope Uncle Irving - er, Woody Allen realizes that it's better that they cry at your funeral rather breathe a sigh of relief that you're gone. He writes for himself, I know, but it may be time to bring in a young apprentice.
What has always made Woody Allen moovies the smooth productions they are is Allen's ability to cast them. Tracey Ullman absolutely waltzed away with this one, with Elaine May close on her heels. Elaine May is so artfully ditzy, so pathologically inert, that she was stealing scenes from Allen without saying a single word- no mean feat, I think.
Woody Allen is still Woody Allen - equal parts Groucho Marx and Bugs Bunny with a dash of Molly Goldberg. "Small Time Crooks" is exactly what you'd expect, and I laughed out loud. Allen doesn't waste any time on excessive character development - he just gets on with the jokes. Uncle Irving is still funny.
"Small Time Crooks" gets three cows, but they're not paying retail.
