Mission to Mars
"Mission To Mars", with Tim Robbins, Gary Sinise, Don Cheadle, Kim Delaney and Jerry O'Connell. Written by Lowell Cannon, screenplay by Jim Thomas. Directed by Brian DePalma. MPAA Rating PG. Run time - probably about two hours, but it seemed longer.
There are a few things that we've all come to take for granted in life; the sun rises every day, there's air to breathe, water to drink - plenty of things that we can count on almost without reflection of any kind. Up until this morning, I always took it for granted that there were a few actors that I could count on, that among these were Tim Robbins and especially, Gary Sinise. So much for that coal miner's canary. We're going to need another bird. Sinise, Robbins and the rest of the cast of "Mission To Mars" have managed to deliver one of the worst acted, most ill conceived Science/Fantasy moovies I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. We can even traverse genres here and add that this may be the worst moovie Sinise has done since "Forrest Gump". I only wish popular demand hadn't deep sixed my further use of "steaming pile of crap", as a qualitative touchstone, or "Mission To Mars" would be just that.
Story line? Not really that bad, considering - two expeditions to Mars - the first one meets up with a seemingly intelligent force, gets themselves pretty much dead, and a rescue mission is mounted to bail them out. The rescuers find evidence of a higher intelligence and discover an ancient, well kept secret about the origins of life on Earth. 'Nuff said.
Direction? Not as bad as I feared. I'm not a huge Brian DePalma fan , but for the most part, the direction of "Mission To Mars" goes along just fine until DePalma has to try to squeeze any sort of emotion out of his cast. He would have had better luck trying to squeeze talent out of Adam Sandler. (There, you happy now?) They just don't deliver. I expected to see cue cards reflected in the faceplates of the space helmets - the delivery was that stiff and that obvious.
There was one part of "Mission To Mars" that really had me interested, but I soon realized that I had actually dozed off, and was having a lovely dream in synch with the moovie's sophomoric dialogue.
We've all gotten used to bad science in moovies, but "Mission To Mars" elevates bad science to a high camp art form, mixes it with a taste of conspiracy theory, a liberal dose of product placement, and stirs it with a complete lack of subtlety, all the while trying to inhabit the same universe as Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick. Fat chance.
The real crime is that there was so much potential in "Mission To Mars", had they only given their audience credit for a bit of imagination and the slightest shred of intelligence. Nothing is left for you to ponder - no thinking is required. I think most twelve year olds would find "Mission To Mars" stale and predictable.
However, he said, trying to find a glimmer of hope in the descending gloom, the special effects were amazing, and if you've spent any time looking at NASA's images of Mars, you'll realize that the creators of "Mission To Mars" did one hell of a job realizing the red planet on film. (The computer generated "mother figure" in the fabled Cydonia face was a totally crude, and without so much as a single line to deliver, she proved herself to be a crappy actor, too.) The cherry on top the cheeseburger is that "Mission To Mars" boasts one of the single worst endings I can remember. Ever.
Do yourself a favor. Skip this space dog.
Remember, in space no one can hear you moo.
That's one cow, and babies, I mean just barely.
There are a few things that we've all come to take for granted in life; the sun rises every day, there's air to breathe, water to drink - plenty of things that we can count on almost without reflection of any kind. Up until this morning, I always took it for granted that there were a few actors that I could count on, that among these were Tim Robbins and especially, Gary Sinise. So much for that coal miner's canary. We're going to need another bird. Sinise, Robbins and the rest of the cast of "Mission To Mars" have managed to deliver one of the worst acted, most ill conceived Science/Fantasy moovies I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. We can even traverse genres here and add that this may be the worst moovie Sinise has done since "Forrest Gump". I only wish popular demand hadn't deep sixed my further use of "steaming pile of crap", as a qualitative touchstone, or "Mission To Mars" would be just that.
Story line? Not really that bad, considering - two expeditions to Mars - the first one meets up with a seemingly intelligent force, gets themselves pretty much dead, and a rescue mission is mounted to bail them out. The rescuers find evidence of a higher intelligence and discover an ancient, well kept secret about the origins of life on Earth. 'Nuff said.
Direction? Not as bad as I feared. I'm not a huge Brian DePalma fan , but for the most part, the direction of "Mission To Mars" goes along just fine until DePalma has to try to squeeze any sort of emotion out of his cast. He would have had better luck trying to squeeze talent out of Adam Sandler. (There, you happy now?) They just don't deliver. I expected to see cue cards reflected in the faceplates of the space helmets - the delivery was that stiff and that obvious.
There was one part of "Mission To Mars" that really had me interested, but I soon realized that I had actually dozed off, and was having a lovely dream in synch with the moovie's sophomoric dialogue.
We've all gotten used to bad science in moovies, but "Mission To Mars" elevates bad science to a high camp art form, mixes it with a taste of conspiracy theory, a liberal dose of product placement, and stirs it with a complete lack of subtlety, all the while trying to inhabit the same universe as Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick. Fat chance.
The real crime is that there was so much potential in "Mission To Mars", had they only given their audience credit for a bit of imagination and the slightest shred of intelligence. Nothing is left for you to ponder - no thinking is required. I think most twelve year olds would find "Mission To Mars" stale and predictable.
However, he said, trying to find a glimmer of hope in the descending gloom, the special effects were amazing, and if you've spent any time looking at NASA's images of Mars, you'll realize that the creators of "Mission To Mars" did one hell of a job realizing the red planet on film. (The computer generated "mother figure" in the fabled Cydonia face was a totally crude, and without so much as a single line to deliver, she proved herself to be a crappy actor, too.) The cherry on top the cheeseburger is that "Mission To Mars" boasts one of the single worst endings I can remember. Ever.
Do yourself a favor. Skip this space dog.
Remember, in space no one can hear you moo.
That's one cow, and babies, I mean just barely.