Bud Simpson
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Gladiator

"Gladiator", with Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Richard Harris, Connie Nielsen, Oliver Reed, Derek Jacobi and Djimon Hounsou. Directed by Ridley Scott. Written by David H. Franzoni and John Logan. MPAA Rating R for the stuff that gladiators do, run time two and a half hours.

"Gladiator" begins in what we would call a.d. 180, the ninth century of the city, a.u.c. "ab urbe condita" the foundation of Rome (I'm sorry, there's just no good way to spell out the date - the "A.D. - B.C." convention wasn't invented until another five or six hundred years later) near the end of the reign of Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris), as the Roman Legions march in conquest over what is now part of Central Europe. Within shouting distance of the Danube, Aurelius and his armies, complete with archers and sophisticated siege engines hurling flaming barrages at his enemies' positions, take on the comparatively primitive native hordes of Germania - with predictable results - European heads rolled. The opening battle sequences of "Gladiator" are some of the biggest since "Braveheart", and are certainly gory and intense, if not particularly suspenseful. In the afterglow of battle, Aurelius, knowing his own death is near, names his conquering general Maximus, (Russell Crowe) as Protectorate of Rome, in defiance of the immature heir apparent and presumptive Emperor-to-be Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix). There would be terrible political consequences for such an appointment, and before Maximus can take his place as the Roman peace keeper, the young Commodus kills his father and assumes the seat of power. To ensure the transition goes smoothly and without embarrassing conflicts, Commodus orders his Centurions to take Maximus out into the woods and downsize him.

Maximus, of course, is no slouch, and like Jackie Chan in a breastplate, overpowers his captors, kills them all and takes it on the lam for home. Commodus, however, also sent instructions to lay waste to Maximus' home and murder his family. Maximus arrives too late to prevent it, and he wanders, his heart broken, toward Rome and his revenge. Before he can make it to Rome, he is picked up by slave traders and sold to a used gladiator dealer, Proximo (the late Oliver Reed).

By now you can see most of the rest of the story stretching out ahead of you - Maximus becomes a gladiator, fights his way into the hearts of the Roman citizens, and avenges his own death, in a way, in a final showdown with Commodus, who by all accounts, was no slouch in the arena, either. From what I remember, and what I've been compelled to look up, much of "Gladiator" is a fictionalized account based on several generally historical accurate perspectives centering on the Empire. In other words, some of this stuff really happened, but it's still just a moovie.

Make no mistake, it's a huge moovie. Dreamworks and Mill Film have created ancient Rome on a scale that's never been seen before, and at a fraction of the cost and effort of epics like "Ben Hur". Flybys show a computer recreation of the city of Rome, complete with a nearly brand new, non-ruined coliseum that seems to be an extremely accurate likeness of the games venue. In general, the glory and splendor of Rome seems to be pretty well done.

But,

Would it have been too much to ask for Commodus to speak in an Elmer Fuddian dialect through all this? "Centuwian, who is that wugged wascal in the awena?" Or even better, this could have been a real academic exercise if all the dialogue had been in Latin - properly conjugated, of course - "Romanes eunt domus!" No, wait - 'eunt' is third person plural, present indicative, 'they go', but "Romans Go Home is an order, so you'd have to use the imperative - I'll have to get back to you on this.

All seriousness aside, "Gladiator" is a moovie epic worthy of C.B. DeMille, a huge sweeping tableau with compelling and well told stories neatly embedded. The two and a half hours that it takes to get through "Gladiator" go by in a flash, a tribute to the efforts of Ridley Scott to not let the moovie collapse under its own weight. If you're looking for an historical account of the second century a.d., there might be better ways to get your information, but as moovies go, this is a marvel to behold - well acted, and with flawless direction and editing, aided by a haunting soundtrack by Klaus Badelt, Hans Zimmer, and late of Dead Can Dance, the lovely Lisa Gerrard.

Lots of action, good acting, some gore - although not particularly emphasized - and the sheer size all add up to a pretty amazing moovie experience.

We who are about to moo, salute you. Four and a half cows for "Gladiator".

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  • Home
  • About / Contact
  • Photography
    • Before and After
    • People
    • Scotland
    • Racing
    • Cruise Night
    • Walkabouts & Half-Tank Cruises
  • Words
    • Hey, Cadillac!
    • Moovies
    • Coffee
    • Furpeople
    • In My Life
    • Chill
    • The Shoebox
    • Criminal Intent
    • Mall Adjusted
    • Contrails
    • Dead Read
    • The Barber Rebellion
    • In the Land of the Blind
    • Everyone Knows
    • Dad's Cake
    • On Big Numbers
    • Cars!
  • Shop
  • Moxie
  • Blog